Trojan Man... He's a malignant B@$tard

Well, it's been 11 days and I finally get to post again. The evil trojan man came a knocking and AVG let him in! After about 4 days of being unable to update my virus profiles and definitions, I realized that He had sneaked in. I found that I could not connect to any anti virus sites. Until I came upon "Windows Live One Care."
Wow, that's peculiar... The only site I can log into is a Microsoft site?!
Here's where my conspiracy radar goes off and the sirens are deafening. Why can I download an "anti virus" program from Microsoft but nowhere else? Hmm? Could there be a connection?
Well, I went ahead and downloaded it, ran it and lo and behold I can connect to the internet and any anti virus site I wish!
I loaded Norton 360 and ran it. Boom, 10 trojans found. Windows Live 1 care? No viruses/trojans found. Hmm, I thought again. Trojans deleted... windows live 1 care no longer works. uh oh. Well so much for that conspiracy theory.
Ok I still believe there is a link. Gates had me on his hit list and my computer was the victim. Just wait, your turn will come.
Ok back to the problem. I went to a site called bleepingcomputer.com. What a wonderful site. And it's free. I got my very own personal IT/Messianic computer guy. He walked me through the tormentuous ordeal of downloading 6 different programs, including Hijackthis, DrWeb-Cure It and Malwarebytes. A few short hours later... OK, 16 hours later my computer is back and I have escaped from Bill's clutches once again. Did I mention your turn would come?
All in all, I was Very impressed with the guys at bleepingcomputer.com. Go see them if Bill sets his sites on you.

Disclaimer: Bill Gates is a benevolent man who wishes no harm to any persons or animals of any race, religion or sex. He does not have a super computer with access to all windoze machines which he does not use to send trojans through backdoors that are not sublimated into his OS. Wait, is that too many negatives?Anyway, the references to Gates are speculation and humor devised to add a bit of lightheartedness to my travails over the last eleven days.